Gah!

Nov. 19th, 2014 12:49 pm
rowangolightly: (Rowan!)
[personal profile] rowangolightly
Stress stress stress stress

November often sucks; this one is no different although last year was. Last year I had the wonderful job of the Ecclesiastical robes that Central Pres hired me to make for Heidi Peterson. That *totally* made my November and December last year.

This year, not so much. Everyone is thinking about the holidays, and not about getting stuff sewn. I'd hoped to avoid this stress this year, but no. Everybody's "after Thanksgiving, is that ok?" And what am I supposed to say, "NO, interrupt your comfy Thanksgiving and holiday and vacation plans, please." That'd go over like a ton of bricks.

But other than this one cloak I'll deliver on Monday, I have NO other jobs paying off during November. I have $200 or so in the bank toward rent and it's after the 15th. I'm trying unsuccessfully not to freak the fuck out. I have no money to get holiday groceries nor the mood to make them to eat by myself.

I hate November. I hate being single and having no family, no safety-net and scared about my financial security all the time. I fucking hate it. And now Thanksgiving plans have fallen through so I either stay at home alone or I finagle my way into someone else's celebration which I also fucking hate. Being a 5th wheel for a holiday dinner is a major depression trigger for me but staying home alone is worse.

EDIT: I bit the bullet and accepted an invitation. We'll see. It's at a Chorus friends home but I swear if the dining table conversation goes to conservative politics, I will leave.

I have no idea what Chip's holiday plans are but I hope to see him on Saturday so we'll see.
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Susi Matthews

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