Disjointed Thoughts before Heading North

...into internet oblivion. Boy, this is what 'mixed emotions' feel like. I'm anxious to be home with my cat and my own space (I was describing to Amber that my bedroom is sorta a condenced version of what the old one was like.) And frankly, when I'm here, I tend to see all the things that *need* to be done until I ignore them to bask in the warmth of my beloved's affection. Ok - stearing away from that so I won't get teary-eyed.

I *must* head back - much work to do and a gig on New Year's Eve and hopefully see some of my friends so I won't feel so cast-away. If anybody wants to come down to Union Station in the earlier evening (7-10pm) I'll be doing Statue of Liberty there and I think it'll be at a space where anybody could see me without paying to get into the party there. I know I'll enjoy that once I'm performing (I always do - the little kids are the best since they believe any reality with which they're presented.) Plus I've the Russian Father Christmas and Snow Maiden costumes to complete and be remunerated (hoping *that* won't be any problem!) And then to see if the job interview with MetroNetworks is gonna pan out - that would be fun!

But--- feeling my usual sadness at leaving what could be home and may be eventually; when the time is right and not before. It's been so wonderful spending time with Amber while she's home - what a sweetie she is - and relaxing and giggling with Jess and Nicole (and adding a wish of strength for Jess's mom.) And its cool that Bruce's other daughters seem to be a bit more comfortable around me. While down in southern OK, Bruce's sister Barbara suggested a future co-vacation with us and them to Cozumel - that made me feel *so* good! And that would be a blast. Oh yes, and the family (including the boring long, lost uncle) really enjoyed our music that we played for them.

We got a couple songs recorded last evening - not as much as we'd wanted but Becky and Tony came by to pick up the presents for the grandkids and had a gift of a DVD player for her dad - oh, boy, is *she* pissed at Chris (we discovered he'd also taken her flute that Amber was borrowing.) I just with everybody'd quit asking Bruce if he's selling the house and moving.

Which leads me to ask a question to my magickal friends out there - I'm puzzling the quandry of finding a way to protect the house (yes, I know, alarm system - but there's got to be an esoteric way to do it, too) without casting ill-will on anyone - no matter how tempting it feels. I mean, defending myself and the house if he came in while I was here is one thing; protecting the home while no one is here is something else entirely. It is clear that he enjoys the power-trip-feeling of fucking around with Bruce's head; if he thinks he's scaring us, he's got that all wrong. The girls have said that he's bragged about watching the house (and the bullshit of watching as Bruce moved 'her' stuff out and my stuff in - her stuff was already taken long ago by her kids - and my roomies sure know what all my stuff is in KC except what I bring back and forth with me!)

Anyway, I must get busy; wanna finish straightening holiday mess around here so Bruce doesn't come home to a ton of work. And then head down the road geared for hard work at home before I see my love in a couple of days; after then who knows when we'll be together - about a month or so, unfortunately. But we're doing what we must; we know what we want eventually but lots to do between now and then. I want to come to him debt-free and I want him to be doubt-free and adjusted to living in the present and the future. He's such a wonderful man and we're so fortunate to have found this love -- yes, I sound like a broken record, but I don't care! We *so* both deserve this!

Ok; stiff upper lip and off to work.
Oh yeah!! Happy New Year to everybody - near and far!
My loving warm wishes to one and all!!!